My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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