yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
