ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
