Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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