i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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