he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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