she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sext me about skeletons
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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