Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
