i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
