um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
