I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
