He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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