I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
