it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
