I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
