No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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