Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
