SEEEEXXX PLEASE
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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