So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
