You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe