i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing