Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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