I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.