Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
