all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
