I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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