If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
only if we run a train.
done.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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