hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
