Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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