So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
