a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
