You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
