What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
