Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
