the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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