well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
