And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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