she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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