THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
