my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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