cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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