Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
