Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
