haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
