this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
