Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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