Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
