Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
