He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
