this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
