I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize