that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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