she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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