Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
