You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
