I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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