you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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