were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
