hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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