Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
