White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
