I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
