he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Houston, we have a blender
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
