i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
