is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
